Ok i saw this commercial a couple days and i just hafto say something, and that something is “BULLSHIT!”. I could take time out of my day to insult and degrade this product and the fools who purchase it. so I’m going to.

They begin the commercial by suggesting that everything you consume, air and water included, have deadly toxins. while that may be the case in Mexico or perhaps LA, you rarely have Toxic water and air here. following this absurd statement they list a series of symptoms that result from consumption of these mysterious toxins which include headaches, backaches, mood changes, depression, insomnia, etc. I’d like to pause for a moment to say that if you have never experienced any of these things your not living life properly, and if you have, then its probably not from drinking water. so they list these things, tell you that if you experience any of them its because of “deadly toxins” and such. but good thing they are selling an “ancient Japaneses secret” that gets rid of them. now you can imagine my shock when i discovered that the ancient Japanese mass manufactured alcohol pads. but whatever. this super secret pad draws out all these bad things while you sleep… though your foot.

that bears repeating. this pad removes the following:

• Heavy metals
• Metabolic waste
• Toxins
• Parasites
• Chemicals
• Cellulite

though your foot. that list of things, apparently concentrates in your feet, but only while you sleep, and this wondrous invention removes them.. thank god, i never knew i had parasites in my feet, or cellulite for that matter, i need to order some of these fucking pads. they even show you where on the pad each of these dangerous toxins reside after removal.

they go on to inform you that like a tree your body absorbs nutrients in from your upper body and sends the toxins down to the roots. again they said a tree absorbs toxins from the top, and sends the toxins to the roots…. we all know roots are not for receiving nutrients but rather an efficient waste disposal appendage. we were so wrong about trees. these pads work the same way im told, the next line saying “based on ancient Japanese Reflexology” (dont even get me started on Reflexology, its such bullshit my spellchecker thinks i mean “Sexology’s”) they suggest using one every night until the pads get lighter and lighter, which apparently means its absorbing all the toxins your body… not that your foot is getting clean… it must also somehow prevent further “toxin” intake if the pads get light and stay that way.. atleast until your feet get dirty again.. i mean toxified! and Great news, it also contains IONS!! which will refresh the hell outta you. fucking ions are bitchin!!! i don’t know about you, but if i don’t have my morning bowl of charged sub-atomic particles in the morning, i just cant seem to get though the day! the commercial also warns to avoid “cheap imitations” of a product that really works… kinds shit themselves in the foot there. Their website references the “Journal of Immunity” which is not a real medical journal. If this commercial doesnt make you sick, kill yourself.

wiki answers has more information on this bullshit. including some reviews from community members, one of which was particularly informative “I dont know but it gave me a raging hard-on.” I’m done ranting.

January 23rd, 2008
Posted in Other

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